Let’s talk bad talk.
I don’t mean the cute little F-bombs that you can’t say around Grandma. (I do love me some strategically placed obscenities)
I’m talking the bad talk that fills up your head with imposter syndrome, anxiety, writers block, and insecurities.
If you’ve done ANY personal development whatsoever – you already know that negative self talk ‘aint no joke. It’s directly responsible for the head trash that stops us from confidently producing great work and achieving our goals.
We know it’s powerful. We know we shouldn’t do it…
And yet, those little thoughty bastards keep creepin’ in.
Something as seemingly innocuous as muttering “Uhg. So stupid” when you spill your coffee can compound immensely when combined with dozens of other little “bad talk” slips throughout the day.
Earlier this week I hosted a workshop with Marcella Allison from the Titanides all about negative self talk and imposter syndrome. Our guest was Dr. Joan Rosenberg, a well-known psychologist who specializes in mastering your emotions.
I love Dr. Joan’s approach to dealing with feeling (haha that rhymes) because it’s all about being tactical with how you approach your emotions.
Joan walked us through the 8 unpleasant feelings that we all seek to avoid. (sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment, and frustration).
Obviously – feeling any of those emotions is unpleasant. So we often highjack our thoughts with negative self-talk in an effort to avoid feeling “bad.”
Thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve to charge more” – those aren’t feelings – they’re thought highjacks to avoid actually feeling the unpleasant feelings.
Joan explained that, while these “unpleasant” feelings are often considered “bad” – they’re really there for our protection. To help notify us when something needs to change.
So when we try and avoid dealing with them, feeling them, or processing them…
We’re creating an even bigger problem by not dealing directly with source of WHY we’re feeling that emotion.
And if you’re not dealing with those unpleasant emotions, then you’re not dealing with the reason you’re feeling them – the root cause that’s making you feel that way in the first place.
So the “bad stuff” just continues unabated – creating even more head trash and kicking our confidence to the curb.
But here’s the thing…
Joan shared something about self-confidence that really stuck in our brains.
She defined confidence as, “the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face, or whatever your pursue.”
Think about that…
Maybe confidence ISN’T about being 100% sure you can do something. It isn’t about avoiding mistakes. It isn’t about knowing you’re “good enough,” or feeling like you deserve the badge of authority you think you nee.
Confidence is just knowing that you can handle whatever happens AFTER you do the thing.
It may may be scary – but chances are you can handle pretty much anything that comes your way. This year has proven that for so many of us, hasn’t it?
But if you push those unpleasant feelings off, and instead highjack your thoughts with harsh self-criticism…
That leads to imposter syndrome.
And if that’s not bad enough, when you have that combo of avoiding unpleasant feelings and harsh self-criticism going on…
There’s no place for the GOOD to actually come in!
Just like how a Richter Scale works for earthquakes, harsh self-criticism compounds and creates more and more damage.
You’re quite literally in a hell of your own brain’s making.
But if you stop it at it’s source, by allowing yourself to feel those unpleasant feelings, and then dealing with the reason why you’re feeling them…
You can stop the vicious cycle dead in it’s tracks, so you can start building the true confidence you need to take action, and do what needs to be done.
And you can do it without fear. Because you’ll know that you don’t have to get it perfect.
You just have to handle the outcome of what comes on the other side of that action.
It might suck. It might be hard. But you CAN handle it.
And when you’re ready, here are 3 ways I can help you:
#1 – Learn how to convert more cold traffic and lower your traffic costs
Having trouble scaling your offer to cold traffic? You can get get cold or skeptical leads in the right mindset to buy BEFORE you send them to your sales page. My Advertorial 101 Training program teaches you how to use pre-sale pages to convert more cold traffic and lower your traffic costs. Check it out here.
#2 – Get help improving your copy or funnel
If you need some feedback on your copy, or want to find some quick-wins to improve your sales page, we can jump on a live Zoom call and work through it together. Book in a coaching or critique session here
#3 – Rent-a-Rachel for your business
I consult with select clients who need help building marketing campaigns, scaling their offer to cold traffic, training their copy team, or fixing weak spots in their sales funnel. If you’d like to borrow my brain to overcome tough challenges in your business, share details about what you’re working on here, and let’s chat.
Let’s talk bad talk.